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Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal Exchange Letters before Australian Open (Satire)
Published: January 11, 2011
January 1, 2011
From the desk of Roger Federer
Former No. 1 Ranked Tennis Player
Sixteen-time Grand Slam Champion
Re: 2011 Majors
Hi Rafa, and Happy New Year!
So, I’ve been thinking about those exhibitions matches we played in December. Weren’t those fun? One for me in Zurich, and one for you in Madrid. And you got to ride around in my sick SLM ASG Mercedes. Greatest carpool ever!
Here’s my thought: Let’s make like those exhibitions and split the majors this year. I’m calling it quits after this season and I want to go out a winner. Kind of like Michael Jordan—wait, I mean Ricky Henderson—wait, I mean Brett Favre. Wait—oh, forget it, you get my point. I’m pushing 30. That’s dinosaur status in the world of professional tennis.
I see 2011 going down like this: I’ll take the Australian. No one cares about the Australian (isn’t it coming up soon?) except the Australians. It’s kind of like the PGA of golf. Let’s say four sets, or three if it’s really hot. That will stop all this talk about you winning the Grand Slam. That’s all I read about! Well, that and about how something called the BCS is a sham?
You can have the French. People would accuse you of throwing the match if I beat you there, but we’ll make the finals interesting. You give me the first two sets at love. Then you can get some illegal coaching from Uncle Toni and storm back and win the fifth in a tiebreaker and roll around in the dirt and tell the Roland Garros crowd how great a champion I am and I’ll smile and when we get into the locker room I’ll throw my consolation trophy in the garbage just like I did with the other 15 or so and then I’ll donate my prize money to Andy Roddick, who most cer...
Article Source: Bleacher Report - Tennis
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